My Biggest Secret

Secrets are not always something you want to share. We are not in elementary school anymore, right? But what has compelled me to post on my blog for the first time in three months is different than passing notes in school.

My biggest secret is... I am not the person I used to be.

Let me explain. I get calls, emails, and questions all the time related to many things surrounding ministry, particularly connected to the development of new faith communities, new ministries, and leadership within such a context. And might I add that I am FAR from being an expert... My background before stepping toward full-time ordained ministry was in business—for many years I owned and operated a business that focused on image marketing and business development. Prior to that, I was also shaped as a U.S. Marine, serving in an infantry unit as a platoon sergeant among other related roles. All of that is to say I had a particular leadership style and focus—meticulous, detailed, disciplined, and precise. Such a posture was engrained in me through three things: personality traits, training, and contextual experience.

Then I encountered Jesus. I mean really encountered Jesus, in such a way that I had to respond to His invitation. Yeah, I had kind of been hanging out with Jesus my entire life, but as I quickly discovered, hanging out, talking to, asking Jesus to bail me out, and engaging Him on my terms was completely different than responding to His rabbinic invitation to follow Him—to actually become His disciple. Really? Really. To become a disciple means to learn in such a way that you change and become like the Teacher (the Rabbi). Change, is the key word here.

Change is a strange concept because there is no middle ground—it is a process that is ongoing, never ceasing. It’s about letting go of everything that defines you (in my case what I thought I knew, my tendencies, personality traits, training, and experience—everything) and receiving a new identity and way of living. The kind of change that Jesus’ invitation leads to is not just in one area of your life, but in every area. It is a change that begins on the inside and then is reflected outward—inside out.

Thank God I am still changing, but I am not the person I used to be.

So why is this such a secret? Actually it is not a secret at all, because in truth Jesus comes to over-throw our identity so that we can become a safe space that reflects His image. What we think we see is not always reality because it is often from our point-of-view. Remember, as Paul reminds us, what we see right now is not the full picture (1 Corinthians 13:12). Is Jesus before you now? When you are frustrated? When you are challenged to operate in a way that is against your nature—the way you love to do things? When you are gathered with others who share your misery? When your pride is pressed? Is He always in front of you? If you are like me the answer is, “No.” Which is why we need to turn to Him even now, in this moment.

My actual secret is that Jesus has changed my leadership style within the context of ministry to not only embrace the continued change taking place within me, but to create environments and circumstances that challenge others to change. There is very little that comes about by accident in such a framework that is not by design. In other words, I intentionally create opportunities and allow circumstances to unfold in such a way that challenge the natural tendencies of people—the things they lean on first. Why? Because this is how Jesus continues to change me. My leadership is emerging out of my following, therefore it should actually be called “followership.”

Such a contextual environment frustrates many people because it is different—it is not the same as most corporate, military, or academic models. It is subversive to our flesh. But isn’t that what Jesus came to do? To challenge our natural tendencies and to over-throw our identity so that we are changed back into the likeness of the Teacher? Where pride gives way to humility; anger to peace; fog to clarity, ignorance to truth; less to more; and hate to love? Remember, according to Jesus’ teaching, the way up is down.

To lead in this way requires very thick skin, a discipline to ignore the undercurrent grumbling, a willingness to be taught humility (even though you will wrestle with it!), a readiness to embrace a unique sense of humor, and most importantly, in the face of doubt keeping Jesus before you. Everything is a test.

Now you know my secret... Jesus—The radical lead-changer. Who are you following?